Sabbath

Today is sunday. I love Sundays, they are so rejuvenating. I went to church alone as Bry is recouperating from his knee surgery last Thursday. He is feeling better, but didn't feel up to sitting 3 hrs. Sharon invited us to dinner. She had the best dinner, Zuccinni Parmesan with bread sticks and alfredo sauce. Then she had a salad with a slice of tomatoe, a slice of cheese, and a leaf of Basil, doused in olive oil and then sea salt. it was scrumptious. We stayed for 2 1/2 hrs gabbing after. It was a very nice evening. I really like Larry her new husband. He seems very suited to her. I love having Bry talk about when we met. It is nice to hear him tell of the stark realization that he knew he knew me prior to our meeting.
I ate pretty good today. I felt like I was eating to fuel my body and not out of boredom or stress. (except for 3 cookies and some taco chips) I threw the rest of the cookies in the garbage.

We talked about trials today in church. How they are gifts and how you react to them tells more about you than anything.

I thought about the trials I have had in my life. Nothing compared to what Job had to endure. I remember when I was in the accident that hurt my back. That night I couldn't sleep I was in so much pain, and when I went to the dr. and he told me there was nothing he could do for me, I thought I couldn't endure it for even another night, let alone forever. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't imagine how I would get through it. I did it for 12 years. I bore the pain, and it taught me a lot. #1 I didn't have to accomplish alot to be important in God's eyes. (Although I do get a great satisfaction from accomplishments, even tiny daily ones.) #2

JOY

I couldn't sleep and decided I needed to write in my journal. It has been a long time.
I just got home from welcoming the twins to their new home. I stayed with Summer for 3 days while she got used to the 2 new little ones. Little Autumn is still in the nicu. She has to stay until her oxygen level is at a certain level. What little miracles these girls are and how dear they are. The boys were estatic and I think mauling is going to be the biggest problem!

It was very fun, and hard at the same time. It was really hard to stay with them because when people don't do things your way,( because of course your way is always the best way! : ) Summer and Troy have a very different style than I do. They are more seat of your pants and I really like structure. I think I have a lot of Obc tendancies... example I think you should sit down to the table and have dinner together, with talking and sharing. Meals at their home seem like a cafeteria. I don't like the disrespectful way everyone talks to each other, but then everyone seems to know that the others love them so I guess that's what is important. IT seems to work for them. I found myself being very judgemental and not as loving as I want to be when I am there. I think people really need the gospel in their home, and there is no thought of that there. I really felt that lack. I really need some structure. When my family was young I got very harried without structure.

underfoot

When I was at Marc's Kins wanted me to read a new book to her about the body. It was an incredible book, with little flip ups telling all about the body. When her mom had read to her about the nerves, she said" Oh thats like Cannon" "What do you mean" Marc asked "Cause he's a nerve, because he's always getting on mine"

Age 5

I was thinking back when all of my kids were underfoot. Sometimes it seemed as though I couldn't even hear myself think. I read an article in the Ensign about a scripture Mark 10:13-14. It was about People bringing their children to Christ after a particularly long day. He was exhausted. His apostles got upset and tried to protect the Savior by sending the kids and their parents away. When Jesus saw it, he was much displeased and said unto them. Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God. And He took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them and blessed them. I pondered this selfless act and realized that if I follow Christ's example then when you can take the children in your arms and love them, get past yourself and your needs, they are no longer underfoot, they are one of your blessings!

Pres. Hinkley said one time he was on his mission and was very discouraged... His dad wrote back to him and told him " Gordon I don't know what to tell you but to forget yourself and get busy"! That's what I really need to do when I feel overwhelmed with my responsibilities.

What is Sin?

I just read the most beautiful saying.. A lot of new age philosophy tries to tell us there is no sin. There is no devil. In fact the scriptures tell us that in the last days people will say that!
I loved this saying. "Sin is sin because it destroys instead of saves; it tears down instead of builds; it causes despair instead of hope."—Jack H. Goaslind When you think about it, anything that God has asked us Not to do is because of the pain it causes. He wants to save us from the heartache.

I am going through my pictures for the family scrapbook, I am thinking of getting my hair cut very short. here is a picture with it short from a long time ago. It might not look good because I am a lot heavier now. I love this darling picture of my 3 little angels.

death

This picture looks like Lincoln when he was a baby.
I just got off the phone with Nesh. She had a co worker who she is replacing, die in a terrible accident. I don't believe in accidents! I think that everything is on purpose, and everything is a gift from God. Our job is to see how. (Now ask me that when I loose one of my dear ones and see if I still feel that way. How easy will it be to maintain my belief?)
I love God's plan for us. I love that he gives us this time on earth to try to get celestial qualities. To live with such light that we can oneday enjoy and endure His light. Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect, will of God. I think this is telling me that I need to change my thinking, to be like His thinking.
He loves us so much he won't take away our free agency. He allows us to choose what kind of life we want to have, but he trys every way possible to get us to come unto him.

"Either we say to Christ Thy will be done, or He says to us, Thy will be done" CS Lewis I think CS lewis is so profound. I love his stories of light and darkness, they are great analogies.

Alma 40 11 Now concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection-Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, (or women) whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

I love this promise, I love knowing this. It makes life make much more sense.

I think dying will be a wonderful adventure, and I hope when I loose someone near to me I can celebrate that I got to share their life, that I have a part of them with me. I hope I will realize that just because they are in another dimension and I can't see them, that I will be able to feel them. I believe their dimension is right here, and they are just vibrating at a higher rate than I am vibrating, which makes it so I can't see them. Just as Bry isn't in the room with me right now, he is in another room and I can't see him, I can still feel him. I can smile when I think of things he has said or done. He will always be with me, as will all my family and friends that I love. I know I will have to pull this out and read it when I loose someone so I don't start believing the stories that will try and pop into my head. I know that I will live again, that I have a chance to live eternally with my family if I learn to live as God does, as that is His gift to us.

I have this little friend who said," I don't believe in the church, because I don't believe that a loving God would not let me be with my family just because they didn't go to church or did things they weren't supposed to do." I didn't have a really good answer for her... I told her some things as I can never keep my mouth shut, but it wasn't what she wanted to hear, or what I knew in my heart and just couldn't express. I have thought about that time a lot since and realized I should have told her,," it doesn't have anything to do with a kind loving God, it has to do with eternal laws... In order to live eternally with God, we have to be like him or we couldn't stand his light and glory... it is a physics thing, it is eternal laws that we are under contract to. Goodness and love make us vibrate at a higher level, makes us able to communicate with the Holy Ghost, makes us learn more and understand things better... It is a law as simple as the law of gravity. He has given us the keys, we have to use them. "

Christ said" for Behold, This is MY work and MY glory- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Moses 1 :39, That is Christ's job. Immortality means to live forever, Eternal life means to live forever with God.

I think Christ's gospel is very simple and very beautiful, it is all about LOVE.

Well enough of death, there is too much to celebrate about life.

I went on a fun motorcycle ride today. We went up Logan canyon to Bear Lake. How amazing the mountains are. They really talk to my heart. They make it sing actually! I am going to head to bed now.

Saturday

My little grand daughter Shyanne gave me this darling birdhouse... it brightens my mornings out in the hot tub.

Last night I decided to do my journaling in a blog so I could add pictures and share it with family.

I am wanting to really simplify my life. Some of the things I have determined to do are:

• Memorize a scripture weekly. I still remember scriptures I memorized when I was a teen, I love having them in my head. The one I am going to memorize this week is 2 Nephi 32:3

Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. Wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore I said unto you Feast upon the words of Christ, for behold the words of Christ will tell you all the things what you should do.

I love this scripture because it tells me how I can have the Holy Ghost. It is an incredible experience to have it. When I get it I don't want it to leave and feel this incredible warmth inside. I get it most when I am studying the scriptures. It doesn't tell me to snack on the words of Christ, but to feast... how do you feast? Well for one thing it takes preparation, you can't have a feast without preparing for it... some of the things I can do to prepare a feast of the spirit is to pray, fast, have no distractions, set aside time regularly! You also come hungry... you don't have a feast if you are bored or just want something to do.

So that is what I am going to do... spend time feasting on the words of Christ. I have made it one of my intentions this year...

Another thing I thought is that I am going to think like a tiny person... I am getting my stomach stapled again, only this time I am not telling anyone... 1/2 C portions on everything but veggies and protein drinks.... I am looking forward to feeling lighter.